Unapologetically Embracing Autism: When Everyone's Down for the Count: A Week of Detective Work

Being a single parent is challenging. Being a single parent of a child with autism adds another layer of complexity. This week has tested us both as illness swept through our home, leaving me trying to care for my sick child while fighting off my own illness.

The Detective Game

My 10-year-old son Cortland has autism, and one of our unique challenges is his high pain tolerance. When something hurts, his automatic response is "no" – even when I can see he's struggling. This week, I've had to become a detective, reading between the lines of his behaviors and responses, trying to piece together what's really going on with his health.

When illness strikes – whether it's a cold, flu, COVID, RSV, or strep – the usual parenting playbook goes out the window. I can't simply ask, "Does your throat hurt?" and get an accurate answer. Instead, I watch for subtle changes in his behavior, monitor his eating patterns, and look for any signs that might tell me what he's experiencing.

The Double Challenge

What makes this week particularly challenging is that I'm sick too. As a single parent, there's no tag team partner to tap in when you need to rest. The medicine still needs to be given on schedule. Temperatures still need to be monitored. Meals still need to be prepared – even when you can barely stand.

This isn't like typical families where children can clearly communicate their symptoms and needs. With autism, the communication challenges multiply. We're navigating through the fog of illness while also managing the unique aspects of autism, making sure routines stay as consistent as possible even when we're both under the weather.

The Village That Steps Up

This is where I need to pause and express my profound gratitude for my support system. This week has shown me just how crucial having a strong support network is. When I was too sick to drive Cortland to the doctor, amazing people in our lives stepped up. They didn't just offer help – they showed up, physically present, ready to do what needed to be done.

To those who've brought medications, driven to doctor appointments, or simply checked in on us – you are the unsung heroes of our story. You understand that our situation requires a different kind of support, and you provide it without judgment.

Beyond the "Everyone Gets Sick" Narrative

Yes, all families deal with illness. Yes, every parent faces challenges when their child is sick. But when you're caring for a child with autism, these challenges take on different dimensions. It's not about comparing hardships – it's about acknowledging that each family's challenges are unique, and some require different strategies and support systems.

When you're playing detective with your child's health while battling your own illness, when you're trying to maintain routines that are crucial for an autistic child while barely able to get out of bed yourself, when you're navigating all of this as a single parent – it's a complex dance that deserves to be acknowledged.

Learning and Growing

This week has taught me so much about resilience, about the importance of community, and about the unique strengths that come from parenting a child with autism. While it's been challenging, it's also shown me just how capable we are of adapting, how strong our support system is, and how much we can handle together.

To other single parents, especially those raising children with autism: your experiences are valid. Your challenges are real. And just like me, you're doing an incredible job, even when it feels impossible.

Sometimes the most powerful thing we can do is share our stories – not for sympathy, but for understanding. Because somewhere out there, another parent is playing detective with their sick child, and maybe, just maybe, knowing they're not alone makes that job a little bit easier.